Time Sure Does Fly!

Boy, it's been a while since I've posted. Having Isla in our lives has added a certain degree of chaos!  She is a bit like her big brother, in that she is a little demanding! :)  I never have more than one hand free for typing, which makes posting a challenge.

We celebrated Reese's 2nd birthday on September 20th by taking her a cake and some presents, and we had a gathering with family afterwards. It was a beautiful day!  We had Reese's Run a few days later, which wasn't quite as successful this year.  I blame myself for the lack of advertisement.  I don't remember most of August and September, as I was so completely sleep deprived during that time!

Isla is just over 3 months old now, and is maybe 10 pounds. She is a tiny little thing...so much tinier than either Josh OR Reese at this age.  We absolutely love having her here, but the past 3 months have been a struggle.  We are all on edge. Even Josh asks often if Isla is to the age Reese was when she died.  I never thought that would be something HE worried about.  We are looking forward to December 20th, when Isla will be 4 months 21 days old.

Josh just adores her.  He thinks she is the cutest, most precious baby in the world.  He really doesn't ever leave her alone.  He tells everyone, "God sure surprised us with this baby...she had hair!"  Thankfully he has decided he now likes babies with hair, because he really wanted a bald baby.

I am still on leave. I was diagnosed with PTSD when Isla was about 6 weeks old.  My fears and anxiety over leaving her were out of control.  I still worry about everything, all the time, but having her in my arms lessens my anxiety.  I became like a first time parent again.  I've probably called my doctor a million times about a million different things.  I was worried about having Isla sleep on my chest because she was on her stomach, but my doctor assured me that my chest was a safe place for her.  I worried that since I let Reese slept that way, maybe THAT is why she rolled that day at daycare, and maybe she would be alive if she hadn't rolled, and perhaps it was my fault because she was used to being on her tummy. I worried after her 2 month vaccines when she spent the evening bawling, because Reese had her 4 month shots just a few weeks before she died, and though I know in my heart they didn't cause her death, some people pushed that on me after I lost Reese, and those memories came flooding back.  Things that I never imagined would trigger fear in me have reduced me to tears, and I send up prayers to God to let me keep this baby girl.

Loving somebody this much is so scary...but it is worth it.  She lights up our world.